As sex workers, we give a lot of energy to clients, and if we don't take the time to reset ourselves and give back to ourselves, we can end up super fast.
Combustion is no joke. I went there and did it. I know I am slipping into burnout mode because everything customers do will bother me, even when it doesn't usually get on my nerves.
Today I'm going to share some tips that helped me go from being stressed out on the verge of burnout to feeling totally blissful
#1 MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF
As sex workers, we give a lot of energy to clients, and if we don't take the time to reset ourselves and give back to ourselves, we can end up super fast.
Combustion is no joke. I went there and did it. I know I am slipping into burnout mode because everything customers do will bother me, even when it doesn't usually get on my nerves.
Today I'm going to share some tips that helped me go from being stressed out on the verge of burnout to feeling totally blissful.
# 2 Accept the stressful truth and that's okay
We live in a world that pays homage to a "noisy" mentality. We believe we should be "in" all the time and act 100%, otherwise we are not worthy human beings. We feel less than if we weren't as productive as we'd like.
The truth is, if you were nervous about how nervous you were, you would continue to be nervous. It's okay that you're nervous. It's okay to find this particular client too annoying or to get along with your partner. It's okay and natural to feel nervous sometimes. Don't press yourself about it.
# 3 Identify what is causing you stress
There are two ways to categorize stressors: internal (for example, expectations of yourself, poor self-esteem, thinking that you are not good enough, etc.) or external (such as relationships, work, environmental factors, etc.)
If your pressures are internal, you may need to make an effort to change the way you relate to yourself. Circle the head to Tip # 1 - You know what helps you feel better. You know how to support yourself. Make sure you do these things and be nice to yourself.
If your stressors are external, it is time to make some changes in your life. If the relationship is making you unhappy, maybe it is time to consider whether this person is worth keeping in your life. If you feel so nervous every time you see one annoying customer pushing boundaries, it might be time to isolate them and make room in your schedule for new clients.
Take a moment to identify and write down the causes of your stress.
# 4 AVOIDANCE VS ACTIVE COPING
There are two ways people deal with stress:
Avoidance: reduces the direct impact of stress at a cost;
Active coping: rationalizing our abilities to manage stress as best we can and planning effective ways to mitigate its impact.
I don't know about you, but I am definitely shy. Instead of dealing with and managing stressors, I tend to avoid what I'm feeling until it builds up and explodes at the wrong time. This is clearly an unhealthy and unhelpful way of dealing with things. In an ideal world, we would all be actively engaged (and perhaps the least conflictual in the world).
So how do we cope effectively rather than avoid it?
# 5 ACTIVE COPING IN ACTION
There’s a huge difference between knowing and actually DOING. So, let’s go back to the list of the causes of your stress that you created earlier. I want you to write down what you are CURRENTLY doing to cope with that stress and how it is making you feel. Then, I want you to write down how you could change your behavior to be more ACTIVE.
For example… Cause of stress:
Regular client continuously pushes for personal details during bookings, which makes me feel uncomfortable and dread upcoming bookings.
Current coping mechanism:
Ignoring the client’s text messages when he enquirers about a booking.
This makes me feel:
– Stressed because I know I will eventually need to reply to him;
– Anxious every time I receive a text message because I am worried it might be him;
– More annoyed at other clients who ask me questions, even though they aren’t pushing boundaries like he is.
To be more active in this situation, I could:
– Text the client and tell him his questions make me uncomfortable, and offer to see him for a booking if he respects my boundaries;
– Text the client and say to him that I no longer wish to see him because he has crossed my boundaries;
– Block the client’s number so that I no longer have to feel anxious every time I receive a text.
Any of the three ‘active’ solutions I came up with would be a better way of coping than my default avoidance because they allow me to resolve the situation, and therefore the stress.
Have a go and see how you feel about resolving some of the stressors in your life.